by Gurnoor Turna
I grew up obese, with numbers on the weight scale that even my tall height couldn’t justify. As an elementary school student, I saw no issue with my body, nor did anyone point out anything, claiming, “It’s just baby fat, she’ll lose it, besides, she looks adorable all chubby.” But society got to me as I grew, from being bullied about my belly by my friends to comparing myself to gorgeous fitness models online, I had developed a sense of hatred towards my body.
My self-image distorted more as I entered middle school. When other girls could wear shorts without their thighs chafing, and when they could wear crop tops without their belly rolls showing when they sat. I was miserable, I didn’t want to learn to do my makeup because I was convinced that no matter how much I tried, I could never be prettier than the other girls were naturally. Even all my outfits were chosen once I looked at my side profile and saw that my lower tummy was hidden from prying eyes.
I had zero body confidence growing up as a child, and when others told me I was much too mature for my age, they didn’t know what I knew about myself. Convinced I could never love my body, I had given up, not accepting my body for what it was, but rather that I was simply “born unlucky.” However, as an upcoming high school senior this year, I have come a long way mentally and physically.
What is an Eating Disorder and How does it Correlate to Body Image?
As defined by the National Institute of Mental Health, “Eating disorders are serious illnesses marked by severe disturbances in a person’s eating behaviors.” This issue occurs when individuals “become fixated or obsessed with weight loss, body weight or shape, and control their food intake” (NIMH, 2024). I had a negative body image, so I resorted to addressing the root of my obesity, food.
In high school years ago, I began my “weight loss journey.” I lost the pounds by unhealthily skipping meals, eating fewer calories than I should have, while I burned calories daily at vigorous swimming classes and working out at the gym. At first, it gave me happiness, but then it became a dangerous fixation. In under a year, I dropped a significant amount of weight, and although I looked different to everyone else, to me - my body image stayed the same.
What Truly was the Solution to Improving my Body Image?
My rapid weight loss brought about changes that I wasn’t prepared for mentally or physically. I always felt cold, shivering, regardless of the season. I passed out a lot, losing control over my body and collapsing. [Note for readers - if this happens to you, you should seek medical attention immediately]. Mentally, I struggled worse. I constantly felt anxious and jittery, cried all the time, had random bursts of anger, and was all over the place. These were signs that I was not getting enough nutrition (Sidiropoulos, 2007; Mayo Clinic, 2025 ). I had the life I thought I wanted, where I had the “dream body” I wanted in elementary school, and people constantly complimented and included me. But what frustrated me was why I still wasn’t happy or satisfied, until it clicked. I began my weight loss journey to feel better in my skin, but by the end of it, I felt my journey’s purpose was to please others, and that is why I was left unsatisfied.
That realization shifted my focus from losing weight for others to see me differently to becoming the best version of myself, for myself. Two years ago, I started a Pilates routine and joined a karate class, not wanting to be skinny anymore. It took some time, but I had also begun to eat my favorite foods again without feeling guilty. For that, I changed my mentality, telling myself that food was my fuel to train rather than existing as something that made me ugly. My parents hired a dietitian who taught me about portion control and how to love food again. Today, I am heavier than I was two years ago, having converted my body from skinny to lean. My lesson learned was that a weight scale did not define me, and that a greater number on the scale did not mean that I was unattractive.
Concluding Words
I understand it may be difficult to love yourself, trust me, we all have days where we don’t like what we see. But what’s important is that you realize that every person, every body, every mark on your skin is what makes you unique as a person, and if everyone looked the same, humanity wouldn’t be as beautiful as it truly is, much like how a bouquet of mixed flowers is much more attention-catching than a simple bouquet of identical roses. Wanting to lose or gain weight is not embarrassing, but you must change yourself for yourself, not for what others think of you.
Next time you hate your undefined jaw and belly rolls, just remember Aphrodite’s sculpture has those exact features.
Help is Available
Are you looking to speak with someone about eating disorder concerns for yourself or a loved one? The National Alliance for Eating Disorders Helpline is a free resource run by licensed therapists. Learn more at: https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com/
Sources
National Institute of Mental Health. (2024, December). Eating disorders. Www.nimh.nih.gov; National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/eating-disorders
Mayo Clinic. “Eating Disorders.” Mayo Clinic, April 26, 2025. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/eating-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20353603
Sidiropoulos M. (2007). Anorexia nervosa: The physiological consequences of starvation and the need for primary prevention efforts. McGill journal of medicine : MJM : an international forum for the advancement of medical sciences by students, 10(1), 20–25.
